(Truly, Truly) Truly Outrageous Kids' Parties

Outrageous Kid Parties is yet another example of the awesome indulgence rich weirdoes like to, well, indulge in. Little brats get spoiled in a way that even Daddy Warbucks couldn’t match as parents spend about half of my annual salary or more on loot bags
filled with iPods and Faberge eggs. It makes me think with my little guy’s birthday approaching: what are we going to do to parallel the party madness? So maybe that level of spending isn’t appropriate…in which case here are some ideas:

1. Instead of whacking a piñata, string up a regular garbage bag filled with an assortment of leaves. Kids love leaves!

2. Chuck E Cheese’s is great, but how about the alley downtown with the mice and a drunk guy singing? There’s bound to be some pizza in the dumpster there, too.

3. Pin the tail on the donkey is everyone’s old standby. Up the fun by pinning the tail on your friendly drug mule. Careful not to pop the balloon in his arsehole!

4. Now’s the time to be green, even when it comes to parties. Recycle those used coffee filters into party hats. Nabob makes a good brown hat.

5. Petting zoos can be stinky. Why not take the kids to the forest where they can pet wolverines, badgers, and semi-rabid possums instead?

6. Pizza can get pricey, too, so feed the kids delicious cucumber slices with cheese food product, a side of beets, and no name soda crackers.

So whatever the situation, enjoy your kids’ party! And please share pictures. We’d love to see the leaf-covered children eating beets and applying band-aids and rabies vaccine to their animal-inflicted “love nibbles!”