The Week I Give Up Everything

My PVR died on Friday, despite attempts to reset it and hope for the best. In place of my list of recorded shows I get a box that tells me I'm shit out of luck: "The storage device is not working, so go do something else for a change." Anyway, after sweating angrily over this trouble, I have decided to go cold turkey. I'm giving up TV for a week.

And while I'm at it, I'm also going to give up sugar, artificial sweetener, dairy and wheat. And I'm going to do it "just to see." Yeah, just to see how much my life will change when I am not zoned out watching Gilmore Girl reruns, fighting a thirst for Coke Zero and granola bars, and afternoon trips to Tim's around the corner from my little office for ice coffee. Just to see what may happen to the weird new red patches I have been getting on my hands that don't go away with relentless hand cream applications. Yes, this even means giving up the additive-laden protein bars that have taken over yogurt and berries as my mid-morning snack.

Okay, so yogurt's out for a bit, too...

Anyway, here is how day one went:

AM: took soy milk in my coffee instead. Was at least endeared to my new Dunkin' Donuts go-mug. Not bad, if you don't mind the thought of "milk" coming from a bean.  While we're at it, what is almond milk? Just how does one milk an almond? All the while have I been eating little almond boobs without knowing it?

AM snack: two stale brown rice cakes with peanut butter (natural, naturally). Crunchy. May have lost a semblance of maturity and poise when crumbs became stuck to my new dress and I picked them off to eat. Also, had green tea instead of morning coffeee number 2. And it was green.

Lunch time: ate leftover veggie soup and pack of nuts. And apple. And drank some water. Suddenly, the prospect of not having a bagel if I wanted one is really angering me.

Afternoon:...okay, I caved on day 1. I got my ice coffee with milk and a pack of Splenda. Whatever.

Afternoon: Yeah, and then I had one of those protein bars. So, this is what happens when you agree to go to a meeting after work and...oh hell, enough with the excuses. It's only the first day, right? Ah ha ha.

PM: Dinner was chicken and veggies, no TV except what burned my eyeball when I approached it to turn it off.

Now it's 830, and right around the time I would be hunkering down with my PVR after completing all my mom and wifely duties. Instead I am foisting this new blog post to the world.

Tomorrow will be day 2. Then Weds day 3. Then I wonder what Friday will be like when I don't eat my afterwork pizza. Oh my. At least, at least, at least, I wasn't masochistic enough to give caffeine up as part of my week-long experiment to prove something unknown to myself. In the meantime, I will have to replace dreams of pizza, ice coffee and Coke Zero with water, rice cakes, and tea, and for TV....is Netflix off limits?

I can feel my insides cheering.